Evolving Perspective

[shirtlifterbear]

WHAT I THOUGHT:

What I initially found most interesting about the backlash against the category of anti-homophobic bullying video I posted yesterday and the "It Gets Better" project videos, was that there was this undercurrent of well, bitterness-disguised-as-realism, as in:

"It doesn't get better, it didn't for me, so you better get a reality check here."

Um, really?

That's the message people wanted to send to young gay teens. No hope? No encouragement? Just "life's a bitch and then you become embittered?"

Time has passed, and my initial impression has changed.

WHAT I THINK NOW:

I believe that this Irish video actually represents the dramatic sea-change that has taken place in the past ten years in terms of homophobia and its societal acceptance. Yes, the world depicted in the video is a utopian "Big Eden", "In and Out" extreme, but it is not as far from reality as some would claim.

A few weeks ago, a drunken fan in the seats next to us at the Seattle Sounders game screamed "Faggot" at a player, and the entire seating section got quiet and very clearly Did Not Approve. He did not repeat the epithet for the rest of the game, nor has he in the subsequent three games I've attended.

I see a societal-norms trend that homophobia is now being classified as bigotry and is no longer acceptable on a community-standards basis, and that "Faggot" is in the process of going the way of "Nigger" in terms of disapprobation of its use.

So my position is now this:

"Criticize the encouraging videos all you want, but can you hold off doing so until the teens the campaign is directed at live long enough to understand your more-sophisticated position?"

Because really, if ONE kid believes it, that It Gets Better and doesn't kill himself, then the entire campaign is a success, and you want that too, right?

Right?

I'll put down some money right here that we will hear testimonials from kids starting in about two years about how they heard of the Youtube It Gets Better videos even way out in the sticks where they were growing up and being bullied, and that they clung to them like a lifeline. I'll even go so far as to bet you that at least ten kids will say that the campaign stopped them from killing themselves. I'll even give short odds. Any takers?

See?

It doesn't matter if the 99% of jaded youth goes "whatever" and cynics all over them, those kids are not the target demographic here. Too many of us grew up thinking we were the only people like ourselves in our small towns, and had no hope. The Kansasville, Wisconsin gay kid needs to see these messages of optimism as much as the budding lesbian in Pascagoula, Mississippi does.

Offer hope, people.

It's free.

Comments

[archanglrobriel.livejournal.com]

Isn't that what Harvey said? You gotta give 'em hope. That's the first part, the most important part. They can figure out how to deal with their realities once they've survived long enough to ascertain what those are. It's kind of a triage situation, in my opinion. You fix the places where the patient is about to bleed out first and -then- you worry about the rest.
I'm all about anything that keeps these kids from hurting themselves while they grow into the person they'll be. 'Course I'm all about pushing hope on just about everyone these days too. ;) In a bitter and cynical world, it's the ultimate rebellious act.

[shirtlifterbear.livejournal.com]

YES!

Hope is subversive!

AND LOVELY!

[badrobot68.livejournal.com]

"It gets better, although some people will always be assholes" just didn't have the same ring to it.

[shirtlifterbear.livejournal.com]

Giggle!

Yes, exactly!

[yukon72.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised at the amount of opposition to "It Gets Better" I've been seen. The project was never meant to be a solution in itself, just a bit of encouragement to say "don't kill yourself, when you are old enough to leave that hick town you'll be fine."

The gay community has contrarians too and they fit right in with our country's history of voting against it's own best interests.

[brokn2pieces.livejournal.com]

amen, sister

[fj.livejournal.com]

I always figured It Gets Better came under the title of "Harm reduction". There is a legitimate question about why teens should have to wait for a future to be safe, but while we figure that out, we need them to stop killing themselves somehow.

That said, I wrote three years ago how faggot now on proper radio is "the f word" since the reporting on the Grey's Anatomy controversy. We are getting there.

[brokn2pieces.livejournal.com]

Good words! I've avoided watching the video for some reason - maybe because I knew it was going to make me all emo. It was good despite not being able to understand about 40% of what they said :)

[shirtlifterbear.livejournal.com]

Certain accents when combined with my dodgy hearing = "what? What did that guy say?"

I have to put the closed-captioning on in certain UK and Irish films, and always feel silly because it's ENGLISH! But it made "Trainspotting" much more comprehensible!

[timbearuk.livejournal.com]

I have to say, my general feeling is - "America needs that kind of 'It gets better' campaign? Aren't they a bit backward?".

I'm not denigrating the videos from anywhere, nor the need to protect young people, and I'm not suggesting that things are perfect here or that there is no need for reinforcement of the message, merely pointing out that in the Western world it would appear to be largely an American problem.

For the most part, Europe has moved on from persecuting gays. OK some of the Eastern European states still have issues, ex-Russian states still have BIG problems, but the EU has laws which are being enforced, which is more than the USA has. Ireland has that video and it's own problems but they are locked into Catholicism so it's not surprising (although still alarming!), but hey, they seem to be stepping out of that paradigm ...

Please, catch up - I think that probably means voting the right people into power by the way :-) In ten years I think things will be very different in the USA, we were sort of where you were fifteen years ago, but then again we don't have the Westboro baptist church ...

[shirtlifterbear.livejournal.com]

I think you're right!

We need to catch up!

And to think that the It Gets Better campaign was started by our Seattle-local sex columnist, Dan Savage.

Who could have predicted that the President of the United States would tape a video saying that "It Gets Better" for gay kids?

[zenscribe.livejournal.com]

What did you think of Tim Gunn's video?

[shirtlifterbear.livejournal.com]

I am always amazed when a celebrity shares something so very personal, and was very impressed and touched!

[fogbear.livejournal.com]

Amen.

[daddytodd.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting this. Very well said!

[pectopah.livejournal.com]

I thought the Irish video was quite moving. It models positive peer pressure. There are no adults in the video telling the youth how to behave. They act on their own and it didn't feel condescending.

And speaking of homophobia, I watched the beginning of the Country Music Awards and one of the hosts made a joke about why Jake Gyllenhaal broke up with Taylor Swift, the punchline to which was, "Well, he was in Brokeback Mountain." The audience roared. CBS should be ashamed....

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your articulate response. I remain hopeful.

HUGS!

[eric-mathgeek.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, I think I have a right to have my own reaction. And yes, to share that with others.

It doesn't mean I don't have hope. It just means I had a reaction to the video that wasn't puppies and sunshine.

EDIT: I should note that I'm talking about the new Irish video. I don't really understand the backlash to the "It Gets Better" videos myself.

[shirtlifterbear.livejournal.com]

Just as I have the right to have my opinion about your opinion and share my views with others. I didn't call you out by name, or anything like that, and perhaps more importantly, your thoughts about the Irish clip are what spurred me to really think about my feelings on a much bigger matter, that of the It Gets Better campaign. And you hopefully noticed that I agreed with you in part about the Irish piece's realism.

So our two posts worked to get me thinking in a new way about the backlash. That's a nice synergy!

PS I asked people to dial it down about the negativity, after giving reasons. Is that so bad?

[geometrician.livejournal.com]

If I had seen this video when I was in high school, my life would have been changed forever.

For the better.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

That is EXACTLY why I recorded one:



I HATE my face on video. Contrary to what people might have guessed, I hate my voice too. But a slight embarassment talking about VERY personal things (friends attempted suicide, my growing up) seemed MINOR compared to what some of those teens are going through.

Haters gonna hate, so fuck em.

I also wanted to be a bearish atypical scruffy gay voice - I would have LOVED to hear someone like me as being out and not the strange stereotypical camp image in my head when I was a teen.

[albear-garni.livejournal.com]

thank you.

[whitmanschild.livejournal.com]

*loves you, lifts shirt in tribute*

[electriclime.livejournal.com]

I love you deeply.. I really really do.

[zurcherart.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I agree.

[albear-garni.livejournal.com]

all I can say is - thanks.

[i-chaos-bringer.livejournal.com]

I remember getting really annoyed when I read a blog that was pish-poshing the whole thing because it wasn't doing it right. I metaphorically smacked some of my acquaintances for applauding that kind of intellectual armchair quarterbacking and I wrote a scathing response to that blog entry. Funnily enough, the blog's author erased my comment--they could dish it out, but they couldn't take it in return.

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

Well said, sir!

[b-bro.livejournal.com]

I ooncur. Sometimes it doesn't get better, but there is always the chance that it will.